


It Should Be So Simple

by Lord Chungus (Lord_Chungus)



Category: Mahou Shoujo Madoka Magika | Puella Magi Madoka Magica
Genre: F/F, Fluff, Fluff and Humor, Humor, KyoHomu Brotp, Romance, Romantic Comedy, Sayaka cannot recognize flirting, They're all oblivious angels, homura cannot into social interaction, love square, misundertandings, oblivious is their shared middle name
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-07-01
Updated: 2018-07-09
Packaged: 2019-05-31 13:36:13
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 6
Words: 13,684
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15120515
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Lord_Chungus/pseuds/Lord%20Chungus
Summary: Kyoko wants to date Sayaka. Homura wants to date Madoka, best friend of Sayaka. Homura has no idea how to interact with people, and Kyoko is as smooth as water. Kyoko has no forethought whatsoever, and Homura has a Plan for everything. The obvious solution is to work together to attain girlfriend heaven. If only things were so simple...





	1. I have a goal, a plan, and a partner

**Author's Note:**

> Look at that, a finished story? Overall, I like how this turned out.

It was a regular day for Kyoko Sakura. She had woken up, eaten some snacks, and headed out to find a witch. She had no luck, of course, so she had followed her usual routine of ending an unsuccessful hunt with a few rounds of DDR.

Unfortunately for Kyoko, her routine was about to be interrupted by a certain cryptic time-traveler.

"Kyoko Sakura, I would like to have a word with you-"

"Jesus Christ, where the hell did you come from!"

The redhead's cry drew an odd look or two, before the more experienced bystanders realized just who was causing the commotion and went back to their lives.

"Jeez, ya really scared the crap outta me. What're you doing here, anyway?"

Homura refrained from sighing in exasperation, having already prepared herself for dealing with Kyoko's oddities.

"As I just said, I am here to talk to you."

Kyoko's eyebrow arched up, as she looked at Homura with suspicion.

"And what exactly would you be here to talk about? I ain't got all day, ya know."

Homura fixed the redhead with a look of exasperation, already knowing that it was going to be one of _those_ days.

"I have come to you with a... proposition. I noticed that you seem to have a certain... problem, and, having a similar problem myself, I believe that we could assist each other in our troubles."

Kyoko narrowed her eyes, brows furrowing as she considered the offer.

"Are you offering what I think you're offering?"

Homura nearly sighed in relief. Kyoko had caught on, then. It seemed that she had somewhat misjudged the other girl after all. Maybe Kyoko was smarter than she let on.

"Of course."

"Well, I can see why you're offering, but I gotta say no. You're not really my type, and I ain't the kinda girl to do that with just anyone."

....On second thought, maybe Kyoko wasn't that bright.

"Kyoko.... what exactly do you think I'm suggesting, here?"

"To do the horizontal hokey-pokey with me, duh. Work out some of that stress by doing the titalicious tango, the Imax and climax."

This time, Homura did sigh. Once again, Kyoko's mind was too far in the gutter to comprehend what Homura was trying to say. Why did this happen every time…

“Assault with a friendly weapon, the pants-off dance-off, bam-bam in the ham, attacking the pink fortress, locking legs and swapping gravy, getting to know each other in the biblical sense-”

"No, I'm not offering to have casual sex with you. I was talking about your crush on Sayaka."

Kyoko's eyebrows returned to their heightened state. Homura was almost offended that the other magical girl was more surprised by the idea that she wasn't offering sex than the idea that she was.

"Wait, really? But you were going on about how 'I have a problem, and you have the same problem.' And I mean come on, you said you had a proposition. No one ever says that word without wanting to bang the person they're saying it to!"

"No, that was not my intent-"

"In fact, I'm pretty sure I saw a hentai with that exact wording. I think I left it in my hotel, but It would only take me a few minutes to get it."

Gritting her teeth, Homura tried once again to get the redhead back on task.

"If you are done comparing me to a hentai character, I did come here with an offer. I have noticed that you wish to ‘acquire the blue booty’. Likewise, I wish to tap the Madonkadonk, and I believe that we could help each other in our efforts to woo our respective loved ones."

Kyoko leaned forward, now interested in Homura’s proposal.

“If you will follow me back to my apartment,” continued Homura, “ I would be happy to explain the Plan in greater detail.”

“Sure,” Kyoko said, shrugging. “Lead the way.”

 

* * *

 

Kyoko flopped on the red couch, twisting herself to fit on its odd curvature. She yawned, gazing at the decidedly abnormal room she found herself in. Smirking, she turned her gaze to her host.

“So, what’re we going to do on the...couch, bed, sacrificial altar thingy?”

Homura sighed, pinching the bridge of her nose as she opened her laptop.

“Don’t be lewd, Kyoko. I brought you here to show you the plan I drew up, so could you please just remain quiet while I bring it up?”

Kyoko sighed, letting her head fall onto the so-called ‘couch’.

“Man, what a terrible host you are. Not even going to feed me?”

Homura once again turned her gaze to the rambunctious redhead she called her friend. Knowing that Kyoko would not stop without something to do, she resolved to undergo the ultimate sacrifice in order to secure the minute necessary to bring up her Plan.

Steadying herself in preparation for the oncoming storm, Homura turned towards her guest.

“There is food in the fridge, so if you would like to help yourself-”

“Really?” Not even waiting for Homura to answer, Kyoko lept from the... Thing and ran straight into the kitchen. Homura briefly wondered how Kyoko even knew where the kitchen was, before abandoning that train of thought. Many a long night had been spent pondering Kyoko’s many sixth senses, and the only result had been sleep deprivation and even more questions than before. Shaking her head, she refocused on the task at hand. The loss of her food stores would only buy her a minute or two, and she would not let her sacrifice be in vain.

After a mere minute of typing and searching, Homura had her Plan projected into the air. While she had initially set the system up in order to help the others understand the dangers posed by Walpurgisnacht, it was currently being repurposed for a far more important task.

Noticing movement, Homura turned towards the kitchen. As expected, Kyoko was shuffling out. She was patting her stomach, looking for all the world like she had just accomplished her very mission in life.

“Man, you really need to stock up on food. Your fridge was practically empty!”

“Of course it is,” lied Homura. “ Anything I eat, I keep in my shield. The food in there is in case I need to get rid of you.”

In truth, she found food stored in her shield to taste somewhat off. While that was an acceptable loss, she did try to indulge herself every once in a while. And of course, in the event of a Date with Madoka, the instant ramen stored in her shield simply would not do.

Kyoko snorted, content smile shifting into an amused smirk.

“You’re a sweet-talker, ain’t ya? In any case, I can see why you’d want my help with your whole romance thing.”

Homura stood up, motioning to the holoscreen.

“As you can see, I’ve compiled a Plan for how we can help each other in our respective love lives. As you can see here-”

Wow,” said Kyoko, interrupting the other girl’s carefully planned monologue. “This thing’s pretty detailed. Aren't you worried that we’ll fuck it up?”

Homura turned to her oh so polite guest, leveling her with a gaze that could make puppies cry. She felt the urge to ask if she was going to be interrupted the whole night, but she knew better than to give Kyoko verbal ammunition.

“If I may continue, this Plan highlights all the different ways we can help each other,” she said, turning back to the screen. “But to know how we can help each other, we must first know what problems we face. You will have a difficult time getting Sayaka Miki to be interested in you, for a variety of reasons. First, you have given her a bad first impression. She believes you to be selfish and evil, and she is unwilling to change that opinion. The second issue is her crush on Kyousuke Kamijou. She won’t start a relationship while still pining after him, but she won’t confess to him either; at least not without outside interference. The third problem is that she believes herself to be heterosexual.”

Kyoko snorted, eyebrow arching in disbelief.

“Really? She’s that dumb? Stupid Sayaka. Stupid, sexy Sayaka.”

Homura nodded to herself. Of course Kyoko would find that tidbit of information to be strange. In one of the more successful loops, Kyoko had confided in her that she was able to smell homosexuality. It was among the many things the redhead could pick up on, and she had said that every magical girl she had met absolutely reeked of it.

“This brings us to solving those problems,” said Homura. “I will not be able to accomplish much in regard to her view of you, but I could push Madoka into helping out on that front. She truly wants everyone to get along, and I’m certain that she would leap at the opportunity to help you two make up. She’s so amazing…” she snapped to attention, realizing that she had been going off on a tangent.

Ignoring Kyoko’s snickers, she continued. “As for her crush on Kyousuke, there are several possible solutions. She could be driven to confess to him, and you could swoop in when she is inevitably rejected. It will be tricky to push her towards that end, though once again Madoka would be able to help tremendously. You could ignore the problem entirely, and instead make her choose between the two of you. This could easily result in failure, so it should be attempted only as a last resort. Lastly, you could remove Kyousuke Kamijou from the picture entirely.”

“You mean like hypnotizing his parents to move to the USA, right?”

Ignoring Kyoko, Homura continued. “Unfortunately, this will put Sayaka in a depressive spiral, and end any chances of a relationship. Therefore, it is advisable that we take the first or second options. As for the problem of her sexuality, there are so many ways we could make her realize that she is attracted to girls that going over them would be a waste of time. I trust your judgment in this issue, though do remember that Sayaka is not known for her grasp of subtlety.”

Kyoko focussed her gaze on Homura, eyes narrowing.

“So that’s it? Flirt with her and get Madoka to help?” She snorted, lips turning upwards in disgust.

“And let me guess, the best way to ensure Madoka’s help is to hook her up with you. Who would’ve guessed? And what, will the plan change once you two are together, because ‘I couldn’t make her think I was just using her to hook you two up, so I’ll have to play it slow,’ or some bull like that?’”

Homura frowned, lips turning downwards in frustration.

“Kyoko, you know it’s not like that. It would also be easier for me to establish a relationship with Madoka if Sayaka was willing to support me, but we both know that’s unlikely to happen. This is simply the logical step.”

Kyoko sighed, her gaze dropping to the floor.

“Yeah yeah, I get it. It’s just.. It’s not that I don’t trust you, but just-”

“You aren’t comfortable putting blind faith in people. I understand. You don’t have reason to believe I will follow through on my end of the bargain, and even though you trust me there is still a niggling of doubt in your mind. It seems like I need you far more than you need me, and that I am simply dangling a relationship with Sayaka in front of you as bait.”

Homura sighed, wishing once again that people would just believe her.

“Yeah, ya really hit the nail on the head with that one. Not sure I woulda been quite so wordy about it, but you got the feeling.”

Homura smiled slightly, gazing fondly at her old friend.

“If it makes you feel any better-

“Holy shit, was that a smile?” Kyoko grinned as she jumped to her feet, grabbing the time-traveler's shoulders. “I swear to God I just saw you smiling! Oh Homura, I’m so proud of you! I didn’t know you were even capable of showing affection for people!”

Homura’s face returned to its stoic visage, and already she was beginning to regret that lapse in control.  
“Kyoko, we are currently in my apartment, reading over an extremely detailed plan for me to hook up with the girl I love, and then hook you up with Sayaka.”

Kyoko tilted her head, staring at her host.

“So?”

“So I would say that I am more than capable of showing affection.”

She paused, pondering whether to go further. After a moment, she decided that she could afford to grow close to them. After all, it would be the last loop. It had to be.

“I’m just not that good at showing it. At expressing myself without it coming across as fake, or creepy.”

Kyoko took a small step back, shock only somewhat feigned. “Wait, you’re telling me you weren’t trying to be intimidating?”

“No, I wasn’t. And that’s why I need your help.” She grabbed the redhead’s shoulders, staring at her with renewed intensity. “I’ll almost certainly be just as bad when I approach Madoka. I need you to be my backup, my wingman. Kyoko, I can’t do this without you.”

Kyoko smiled weakly, pulling back just a tad from the sudden physical contact.

“Alright, alright. You can quit it with the touchy-feely stuff, I get the point. You’re a loser and need my awesomeness to balance it out, and I need your Madoka to help pierce Sayaka’s frosty exterior.”

She sat down on the couch, pulling out a box of pocky and offering it to the weary time-traveler. Raising her eyebrow in a questioning glance, Homura accepted the snack.

“With my charm and your plans,” said the redhead, already on her second piece. “We’ll both be whipped in no time. So, Are we going to do this or what?”

“Yeah,” said Homura. “We’ll do this. And you know what? We’ll only need to try once.”


	2. How do I person?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Homura does the thing, Madoka is frustrated, and Sayaka is the wrong kind of genre-savvy.

In retrospect, Homura probably should have learned by now that nothing ever worked on the first try.

In fact, she should have learned that nothing worked, ever.

But despite that, even she was not prepared for just how dramatic her failure was.

It all went down like this.

 

* * *

 

“You’re sure about this?” Homura said, glaring at her partner-in-crime.

“Yeah, of course,” responded Kyoko, grinning at her newest friend. “Madoka’s already kinda got the hots for you, so if you just go up there and give some of the patented Sakura one-liners, she’ll be swooning in no time.”

In truth, Homura doubted these so-called “patented one-liners.” Most of them were more than one line, and she doubted that the Sakura family had the means to patent the phrases. Yet against her better judgment, she still trusted Kyoko.

A few meters ahead of them sat Madoka. She was dressed in a pink sweater, with a light beige skirt and red shoes.

She sat on the park bench, legs kicking as she read her book. Occasionally she would take a sip of her cocoa, turning away to avoid any accidents should she spill.

Homura sighed, gazing at the sight of such a beautiful Madoka. She could spend all day staring at her love, and had indeed spent more than her fair share of time hidden away while Madoka partook in some sort of mundane activity.

She stood up, turning away from Kyoko.

“Well, here goes nothing.”

She walked purposefully towards Madoka, purple skirt swaying with each step.

Noticing her, the pink-haired girl looked up at her friend. 

“Oh, hey Homura, fancy meeting you here. What brings you to the park?”

Madoka scooted over, patting the spot beside her. Ignoring her, Homura mustered up her courage and spoke the words of truth.

“Madoka... I just shit my pants, can I get in yours?”

It seemed as though all movement in the park had stopped. The birds had stopped chirping, the people were silent and unmoving, and Madoka sat in the same position, not reacting at all.

It was so still that Homura could swear she was in her time stop.

Wait a second...

Did she...

She had always known that magic was linked to emotions, but never before had she seen magic cast accidentally as a result of panic.

Counting herself lucky that the nature of her mistake meant that no one would notice, Homura deactivated her time stop and returned to the real world.

The effect was immediate. Madoka’s face dropped, pleasant surprise being replaced by worry.

“What! Oh Homura, we need to get you to my place quick!”

Well, that went _far_ better than expected. Mission accomplished!

“Wait, but how...” Madoka’s face scrunched up in thought, as she went over what she had just heard.  “You don’t...I’m not... and... OH!...Oh...”

On second thought, maybe she should hold off on any judgments until she and Madoka were exchanging wedding vows. It would be safer that way.

Madoka’s face reddened as she realized just what Homura had been saying. There’s no way she could be serious, right? She covered her face with her hands, staring at the sidewalk as she tried to unravel what she had just heard.

Thinking back to their planning session, Homura tried to remember what Kyoko had advised her to do in this situation.

_“Now, if you come out-heh-swinging, pretty pink is gonna get embarrassed. Your first instinct will be to back off and give her time to sort herself out, but she’ll use this time to convince herself that you’re joking, or some other kind of bullshit. So when she starts stealing my color scheme and applying it to her face, that’s when you’ve gotta double down and hit her with more, one after the other.”_

This went against everything that Homura knew, but that didn’t say much. Trying to calm her nerves, she readied herself for her next line.

“Were you covered in bees recently? Because you’re sweeter than honey.”

Madoka pulled her face from her hands, returning her gaze to the raven-haired beauty in standing in front of her. That was... honestly really nice. Maybe Homura was trying to... flirt with her?

Ignorant of Madoka’s revelation, Homura continued.

“If you were a transformer, you’d be Optimus Fine. I lost my teddy bear, can I sleep with you instead?”

At this point, Homura was spouting off pick-up lines as fast as she could remember them while Madoka tried to push herself deeper and deeper into the bench in the hope that it might swallow her, and release her from this embarrassing nightmare. Or was it more of a dream come true?

“Remember me? Oh, that’s right, I’ve met you only in my dreams. If you were a booger, I’d pick you. Are you a sexual communist? Because you can seize my means of reproduction anytime.”

Madoka suddenly stood up, red face turned to the ground.

“Homura,” she whispered, fists clenched. “Can you give me a bit of time alone?”

Homura tilted her head.

“O-Ok. And, uh-”

Madoka turned around, racing away from Homura. The time-traveler stared at her as she ran, gaze lingering on the last sight of pink.

“Did... Did it work?”

Lounging up to her, Kyoko offered her partner a stick of Pocky.

“Well, I think she got the memo. Not sure what that running was all about, though.”

“Y-Yay?”

Homura turned her gaze to the sky, wondering just what Madoka was thinking right now...

 

* * *

 

“WHAT THE HELL WAS THAT?”

Madoka’s shoulders heaved as she panted, trying to catch her breath after screaming into her phone. She sat down on her bed, grabbing one of the teddy bears on her floor.

“I’ve got no clue,” said Sayaka. “Cause, you know, I wasn’t there. What’s happened that got you so riled up?” She lay back in her chair as she finished her lunch, waiting for her friend to clarify what had gotten her so worked up.

Madoka lay down, hugging her teddy bear to her chest.

“Well, I was reading at the park when Homura came up to me. She looked kind of awkward, so I asked if she wanted to sit with me, and then...”

“And then what? And then she said something creepy and mysterious that will suddenly make sense in a few weeks?”

Madoka shook her head, before realizing that Sayaka couldn’t see her over the phone.

“No, she... I think she started. Flirting with me..”

Madoka stared at her phone, waiting for her friend to start yelling about what a creep the dark-haired girl was, but Sayaka stayed silent.

“Umm, Sayaka-”

“She did _what?”_

Letting out an “eep!” Madoka scrambled to calm her oldest friend.

“Well, she starting spouting up pick-up lines, and it was kind of cute how awful they were, and then I got really embarrassed and she didn't let up and she was almost shouting them I then I got up and ran away and just ARGH!”

She paused her rant, panting from the exertion of recounting the past few minutes. She suddenly snapped to attention, eyes widening in fear.

“Oh God,” she continued, voice quivering. “W-what if she thinks I don’t like her? What if she thinks I hate her now?”

“Is that really such a bad thing?”

“Sayaka!” Madoka yelled, cheeks flushed. “Don’t be mean! Besides, I don’t like Homura, well I do like her, but not like-like her. It’s just that I’m attracted to girls, and she’s very easy to be attracted to. I just want to hold hands with her, and cuddle with her, and maybe kiss, and get her to open up to me, and make her happy, and get her to smile and tell her that everything's going to be all right, and show her that people care about her. I don’t like-like her!”

A few blocks away, Sayaka looked at her phone with a mix of confusion and awe. Was it seriously possible for someone to be this dense about their feeling? She knew exactly what she felt about everyone, especially that annoying Kyoko girl. Sighing, she put her mind back on track and went back to teasing her adorably naive best friend.

“Well, taking into account your obvious feelings for her, isn’t this a good thing? I mean, it sounds like she was flirting pretty hard, so doesn’t she like you?”

In any great disaster, there is a moment where if just one thing had gone differently, everything could have worked out fine. Unbeknownst to Madoka, she had just encountered one of these moments and failed miserably, dooming herself to a series of bizarre misunderstandings that would seem like a big deal right now, but would be fondly joked about over dinner a few years later.

“I know,” she said, face doubtful. “But... what if it was a dare or something? She seemed so uncomfortable, and she _has_ been hanging out with Kyoko a lot..”

“Yeah,” said Sayaka, eyebrows furrowing. “That does sound like something Kyoko would do...”

Long ago, Sayaka had sworn to herself that she wouldn’t end up in some overly complicated love prism straight out of some crappy romcom. Now, she decided, was just the time to prove that she had been serious about that.

“Hey Madoka, why don’t you just call Kyoko?”

“What? Why would that help?”

Madoka blinked at her phone in confusion, before the realization kicked in.

“Oh, I get it! If it was a dare or something, then Kyoko would just say so. But if Homura was serious and really does like me, then Kyoko would admit it, and probably even help us hook up! That’s a great idea!

Sayaka smirked, content in her superiority and genre-savviness.

“You can count on me! Well, I’ll leave you to it. Call me once you’re done!”

“Buh Bye!” Smiling to herself, Madoka hung up on Sayaka and started searching through her contacts.

“Alright, let’s see, Kyoko Sakura… Nothing? Maybe if I switch the names around..”

Muttering to herself, Madoka kept on searching and scrolling through her contacts. Eventually, she gave up and decided to try something else. Pressing the call button, she held her phone up to her ear.

“Wow Madoka, that was quick. Guess Kyoko was unusually helpful today..”

Sighing in embarrassment, Madoka explained.

“No. I, uh, don’t have Kyoko’s number...”

Dropping her face into her hands, Sayaka smiled to herself. What would Madoka do without her...

“Well, I think I’ve got it somewhere, just gimme a sec...”

Less than a minute later, Sayaka returned the phone to her ear.

“Yeah, no luck on this end. Guess we’ll just have to go out and find her ourselves.”

Madoka got up from her bed, brushing off her clothes and heading downstairs.

“Sounds like a plan. I’ll take the food district, and you check the arcades?”

“Got it.” Sayaka exited the apartment, yelling to her parents that she was going out with Madoka.

“Alright, Kyoko,” she said to herself. “Let’s see where you’re hiding.”

“Umm, Sayaka?” came a voice from her pocket. “You forgot to turn your phone off. And do you have to sound like you’re hunting her for sport?”

“S-shut up,” she said, face heating up. “I’m helping you, remember? Just stop teasing me and start looking for her.”

“Alright, I’ll call you if I find her. See you later.”

“See ya.”

 

* * *

 

Perhaps it was fate that Kyoko Sakura was not to finish a game of DDR without being interrupted. The universe was a cruel place, and such petty acts of sabotage would not be the worst things it had inflicted upon a certain redhead.

Nevertheless, she didn’t feel any annoyance at being interrupted, not when it was the object of her affection who deigned to grace Kyoko with her presence. After all, Kyoko would recognize that scent anywhere. A bit of sweat mixed with a sweet shampoo, topped off with just a bit of the gayness that Kyoko smelled on most magical girls. After spending so much time with Homura, Kyoko had begun to suspect that the overpowering stench of Homura’s Big Gey had rendered her unable to distinguish between the various levels encountered in everyday life. But as Sayaka’s presence confirmed, she still had the knack for it.

“Hey Blueberry, what brings you to this part of town?”

Sayaka smirked, eyes going over Kyoko’s usual outfit of a green hoodie and super short short shorts.

“Actually, I was out looking for you.”

Kyoko.exe has stopped functioning, please reboot via food.

Mentally, Kyoko began panicking. Was Sayaka really here for her? She _was_ dressed rather nicely, wearing a blue top over a white blouse and cream skirt. That being said, Kyoko was hardly the best judge of when Sayaka was dressed nicely, being more than a bit biased.

Not knowing exactly how to react, she settled for the old reliable; flirting and teasing.

“Oh, come all this way for little old me? You must be pretty desperate.”

Topping it off with a waggle of her eyebrow, the redhead sat back and waited to see what effect she had on her blue-haired companion.

As usual, all she got was a roll of the eyes and a twitch of the lips. Disappointing, but not surprising.

“Knock it off, I’m not here for me. Or you. Would it be me, or you, or... Never mind,  I need your number."

 _Wow_. It seems Homura’s plan was working waaay better than either of them had predicted.

“Well, sorry to leave you hanging, but I can’t. Don’t have a phone, you see. But if it’s alright with you, we _could_ go grab a coffee or something.”

Sayaka rolled her eyes, something she did quite a lot in Kyoko’s company. Man, Kyoko was _such_ a tease. Actually, she wondered why none of the others had complained about her teasing them, or why they just looked knowingly at each other whenever she brought it up.

“It’s not for me, you tease, it’s for Madoka. She wants to talk to you, but she couldn’t get a hold of you.

Kyoko sighed, hopes dashed. Why did Sayaka have to be so _oblivious?_ On the plus side, it meant that she could keep trying until she succeeded, but it really didn’t do much for her self-esteem when her crush didn’t even notice that she was flirting with her.

“Oh, so it’s about Pinky, huh. Way to pull at a girl’s heartstrings. Well, I guess we could meet at the park later today, if that works with her.

“Yeah, it would probably be better if you two talked face to face. And the park...” Sayaka smirked knowingly, as if in on a joke Kyoko hadn’t heard. “Yeah, the park should be good. Meet her at the bench at, let’s say, 4:30?”

“Yeah, sounds good.” Unfortunately for Kyoko, she couldn’t resist just one last tease.

“Man, meeting her at the park at a set time, this almost seems like a romance thing.”

“Yeah,” said Sayaka, smirking in victory. “I guess you _could_ say it’s a romance thing.” She chuckled to herself as she walked off, content with having one-upped Kyoko in a matter of teasing.

Kyoko, meanwhile, had frozen in place. Her thought process ground to a halt, half-baked fantasies of being confessed to by a teary Madoka while Homura swore vengeance morphing into a far more realistic sequence of events, in which she was confessed to by a teary Madoka, quickly followed by Homura blowing her brains out from a few blocks away.

 _Oh God,_ she thought to herself, already preparing a grand speech about how it wasn’t her fault. Just in case... _Homura can_ not _find out about this._

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> "I'll maybe continue this" I say, already halfway through the second chapter. Well, things are starting to get complicated. Can they get worse? Of course they can, why are you questioning me.


	3. This is how it went down (right?)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kyoko is a mess, and Mami enters the fray.

Sayaka Miki walked down the street, a spring in her step.

She had  _finally_ gotten one over on that damn Kyoko, and though half an hour had passed, Sayaka still couldn’t take her mind off the events as they replayed in her head. The look of shock on Kyoko’s face had been  _priceless_ , and Sayaka was starting to get why she found so much fun in simple teasing.

Out of the corner of her eye, Sayaka spotted a flash of golden locks that usually signified the arrival of her blonde senior. She turned her head to get a better look and began to wave at Mami.

“Hey, Mami!” She said, jogging to meet up with her. “How ya doing?”

Mami was dressed simply, wearing a yellow sundress and sunglasses.

“Hello, Sayaka,” she said, smiling at her junior. “You look like you just saw something good.”

“Yeah,” said Sayaka, rubbing the back of her head. “I guess you could say that...”

Mami raised her eyebrow at Sayaka’s non-answer.

“I’ll explain it to you as we walk, kay?”

As the two magical girls walked along, Sayaka explained to Mami just how it all went down.

“So Homura went and started flirting with Madoka, so then Madoka and I go and look for Kyoko, cause we don’t have her number. You know, to see if Homura was serious or just fucking with us. Personally, I think she was serious, but you know how self-deprecating Madoka can be. But it turns out that Kyoko doesn’t even have a phone, so she and Madoka will meet at the park in a few hours to discuss. And to top it all off, I think I beat her at her own game. Man, you should have seen the look on her face when I told her Madoka would be meeting her for something  _romantic_.”

“That doesn’t make sense,” said Mami, brows furrowing even more. “Why would Homura be flirting with Madoka...”

“Uhh, probably cause she’s got a crush,” said Sayaka, looking questioningly at her senior. “I mean, that’s usually why you flirt with someone. Well, unless you’re Kyoko. Then you just do it to... Piss me off? I don’t know...”

Ignoring her terribly confused friend, Mami continued.

“But why would  _Homura_ flirt with  _Madoka_. She’s dating Kyoko, she wouldn’t throw that away!”

“Wait, what?”

Sayaka stopped dead, staring at Mami.

“Kyoko and Homura? But, she-since when?”

Mami tilted her head as she returned Sayaka’s stare.

“For a while now. Haven’t you noticed how they’re always together?”

“Well, yeah. But I thought they were just good friends!”

Shaking her head, Mami set her mind to overturning her foolish junior’s ideas about the _true_  relationship between Homura and Kyoko.

“Sayaka, they _l_ _ive_ together...”

“But, Kyoko says it’s cause she doesn’t have anywhere else to go!”

“They do absolutely everything together..”

“Because they’re friends, and they’re not super close with anyone else!”

“And most notably, they disappear together at odd times. Don’t you notice how they both seem more comfortable and happy afterward?”

Sayaka paled, realizing just what Mami was saying those two had been up to.

“B-but...They...In my house!”

Sayaka stomped away, horror turning into frustrated anger.

“No, no way,” she said, eyes blazing. “There is absolutely no way! Kyoko and Homura can _not_  be dating!”

Mami went after Sayaka, confusion on her face.

“Sayaka, why do you think that’s such a bad thing? Shouldn’t you be happy that the two of them have found someone?”

Sayaka froze, once again stopping in her tracks.

Why  _did_ she find the idea so horrible? It must be because Madoka had a crush on Homura. Yeah, that must be it. If Homura and Kyoko were dating, then Madoka couldn’t be happy! That’s what had her so riled up... Right?

“Well, remember how Madoka was trying to figure out if Homura was serious with the flirting? Madoka maay have kinda wanted it to be for real. But if Homura’s already with Kyoko, then she was probably just doing it on a dare... Well, at least she can’t get her grubby paws on my best friend.”

Wait, didn’t she  _want_  Madoka and Homura to get together? Wasn’t she upset because they couldn’t? This didn’t make any sense... Goddamn hormones!

“Well,” said Mami. “I guess you'll just have to be there for her. See you soon!”

Waving goodbye to Mami, Sayaka got out her phone and went to call Madoka. She needed to know where and when to meet Kyoko, but then Sayaka needed some time to herself. This whole ‘Kyoko’ situation required more thought...

 

* * *

 

Madoka said goodbye to Sayaka, turning off her phone and sighing to herself.

Sayaka had sounded...off. Madoka didn’t know what was bothering her, but she would have to bring it up the next time they saw each other. It seemed that she had an hour or two until she met with Kyoko, so she would have a while to figure out what she wanted to say.

She would want clarification on the pick-up lines, for sure. And then, hopefully, Kyoko could give her some advice? Just a little bit, so that she could connect with Homura easier. Oh god, what if it was just a prank? If Kyoko really _had_ dared Homura to go flirt with her, what was to say she wouldn’t lead Madoka on for an extra laugh or two? Kyoko wouldn’t do that, right?

She really hoped that Homura had been serious back at the park. She always seemed so alone, so sad, and Madoka wanted to make her smile. She wanted Homura to enjoy life as much as she deserved too, and she was ready to help her in that however she could. But if Homura had just been joking...

Oh God, she was just so  _nervous_. She doubted Kyoko or Homura ever felt like this...

 

* * *

 

Kyoko paced around the arcade, eyes darting towards the exit. Ooooh God, Homura was going to be pissed when she found out about this. How on earth did Madoka get a crush on  _her_ anyway, they only ever hung out when they were brought together by the others, and while they got along pretty well, Kyoko wouldn’t say that they had any real chemistry.

Sure, Madoka always giggled at her jokes, and she had that way of always seeming like she cared about you that made you feel all warm inside, but they didn’t have feelings for each other!

Kyoko had done quite a bit of introspection ever since she was orphaned, so she was confident in saying that she wasn’t any more attracted to Madoka than she was anyone else. Even though Madoka was the nicest of the group, and did things like smile at them instead of frowning when she and Homura had their little impromptu planning sessions. Man, that girl just had no idea how to interact with people.

A flash of black was her only warning before Homura herself appeared behind the panicking orphan.

“I trust that everything is going according to plan-”

“OH GOD WHERE DID YOU COME FROM I DIDN’T DO IT!”

Homura stared at Kyoko, eyebrow raising.

“I mean, uh, yeah, it’s going fine,” said Kyoko, starting to ramble. “But why would I know anyway I mean I haven’t seen anyone so how would I know also someone should really put a bell on you please don’t kill me.”

Homura sighed, hoping to God that this whole affair would be over soon.

“I just happened to be walking by, and I decided it would be efficient to check if anything had gone wrong. Also, I once tried putting a bell on. It seems that a sudden ringing from right behind them freaked people out far more than normal.

She turned away, preparing to leave.

“Since everything is going as planned, with no deviations that you failed to tell me about, I will go to find Madoka.

Kyoko smiled to herself. Maybe if Homura heard it from Madoka, she could be convinced to spare a poor homeless orphan? Well, probably not, but it was better than nothing.

“Yeah, you go do that. Bye, and remember that killing people is bad!”

Homura smiled as she walked away from the arcade, disappearing the moment Kyoko turned away.

 _Oh fuck me,_  she thought to herself.  _She totally knows_.

 

* * *

 

 _Everything is fine,_  thought Homura Akemi as she walked through the mall.  _Kyoko is just as weird as normal, and there are no problems whatsoever. It’s a good thing that we’re all so good at communicating, or this would be a mess..._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Short chapter is short, just like Madoka.


	4. What do I do? (I do my worst)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kyoko and Sayaka get advice from people who know even less then they do

Kyoko trudged through the streets of Mitakihara, feet dragging as she walked closer and closer to her doom.

There was barely more than an hour before she was scheduled to meet Madoka, and Kyoko was prepared to shoot her down, possibly before being literally shot down by Homura.

She had decided to spend her last minutes on earth in a depressive spiral; as is magical girl tradition, when she ran headfirst into Mami Tomoe. Unfortunately for her, she actually ran throat first into Mami's Mamis, bouncing off and coughing as she tried to catch her breath.

"Oh, Kyoko," said Mami, surprise evident on her face. "I didn't expect to see you here. It sure seems that everybody is out and about today. Did you want to talk, or.."

Kyoko's face lit up, and she wasted no time in grabbing the opportunity presented to her.

"Actually, I was wondering if we could talk. I'm in a bit of a sticky situation, and I want-no,  _need_  your help."

Mami chuckled, amused at her junior's antics.

"Kyoko, you make this sound like a matter of life or death. Surely-"

"It is," said Kyoko, not caring that she had cut Mami off. "Depending on how badly I fuck this up, Homura may or may not kill me. If I'm lucky, she'll do it while I sleep, but I wouldn't bet on it."

Mami blinked, thinking over what Kyok had just said. It seemed to her that her junior was having relationship trouble with Homura. Well, she may not be very experienced in the ways of the heart, but what kind of mentor would she be if she left her junior out to dry?

"Well Kyoko, what kind of trouble are we talking about?"

Kyoko sighed, running a hand through her hair. Idly, Mami noticed that she seemed rather stressed out. Well, this was probably the first time her relationship with Homura had been in any serious trouble, so it was only natural that Kyoko was worried.

"Well," said Kyoko, tension slowly leaving her as she told Mami of her troubles. "Say you've got two people, and they really like each other. I mean,  _really_  like each other. The kind of couple who make you want to puke and squee at the same time.

Mami tilted her head, wondering what Kyoko meant by that. She knew that the orphaned girl had...issues with intimacy, but she didn't see how the two of them could be described as lovey-dovey.

"And the two of them would be all sweet and adorable, but then a third girl comes into the mix. Oh yeah, they're all girls by the way, welcome to Mita-gay-hara, population all the lesbians. Well, this girl raises some...complications with the relationship the other two have. So... what do you do?

To Mami's sharp mind, it seemed as though this third girl would be Madoka.  _Didn't Sayaka say something about Madoka having a crush on Homura?_ She thought to herself.

_If so, that could strain things between Kyoko and Homura. And what's more, Kyoko must have absolutely no idea what to do with the fact that one of her friends has a crush on her girlfriend! The poor thing must have no idea what to do when she meets Madoka later today, so she's coming to me for advice! It all makes sense now..._

Nodding to herself, she turned back to her old protege.

"Well, the way I see it, you either need to make it clear that the third girl can't interfere with the relationship of the other two, or you need to reach some sort of...compromise."

Kyoko looked towards the sky, pondering what the older girl had just said. Either she should make it clear that she would stay well away from the relationship between Madoka and Homura, or she should... what, start a threesome? She didn't like Homura like that, and she didn't particularly like Madoka that way. Could it work between them? Maybe, but she was far more interested in Madoka's blue-haired bestie.

 _But what if Sayaka joined and made it a foursome?_  That... that would be far more acceptable. She didn't like her chances of staying away from Madoka when the girl had a crush on her, but she would be willing to see if a foursome worked out. It would mean that Homura and Madoka were together, and she would also be with Sayaka. Sure, there may be a few more people, but what's the worst that could happen? The most likely scenario was that Madoka got over her crush on her and decided that Homura was way better, Sayaka saw that she was the neatest thing since light-up sneakers, and the foursome split into two boring old twosomes. Like some sort of cell reproduction, if cell reproduction were gay as hell.

Kyoko smiled at Mami, having now seen the way to true dating paradise.

"Thanks for the advice, Mami. You've been a huge help, and I can't tell you how much grief you saved me. Not magic grief, just the regular, crying over ice cream kind. See ya later."

She sauntered off, thinking ahead to her meeting with Madoka.

 _If I brought it up with her,_  she thought,  _I could probably convince her to hop on the foursome train. Homura would be all for it the moment I mention Madoka, but Sayaka will probably need some work. Good thing her best friend's got a crush on me, then._

A few feet behind her, Mami smiled at a job well done. Internally, she couldn't help but be a bit envious at how much Kyoko seemed to care about her relationship with Homra, but that feeling was overwhelmed by happiness for the loving girlfriend they had found in each other.

Even so, she couldn't help but remember the surprise she had felt when she had put two and two together. Seriously, who could imagine that  _Homura_  was a lesbian? Even now, it was still such a shock to her...

 

* * *

 

Homura sat on the park bench, slowly sipping her coffee as she contemplated her magnificent success. She would talk to Madoka tomorrow, and then she would be able to observe the effects of her flirtations. Depending on how Madoka had reacted to the events of earlier, she would either keep pushing, slow down, or back off.

Personally, she felt that her success was all but guaranteed. After her amazing performance at the park, Madoka had clearly been enamored with her. The cute girl had even needed to step back, unsure of how to react to such a mysterious beauty flirting with her so charmingly.

Homura had initially been doubtful of her capability to charm anyone, but Kyoko's reassurance that she would be fine had kept her on track.  _And a good thing, too,_  she thought to herself.  _I was a bonafide Casanova back there. Smooth as glass, according to Kyoko._

A rumble from her bag shook Homura out of her self-congratulations. Sighing, she took out the phone to see who was calling her.

 _Ah,_  she thought upon seeing the name on her phone.  _Sayaka Miki. She must be calling me about Madoka._

Hitting accept, Homura brought the phone to her ear.

"Hello, Sayaka Miki. What is it you wish to speak to me about?"

"Hey, uh, I know we aren't really super-close, but do you think you could give me some advice?"

Homura paused, wondering just what had gotten Sayaka to sound so contemplative, almost  _sad_.

"If you so request it. What sort of conundrum have you found yourself in?"

Sayaka sighed. If she was being entirely honest, Homura was starting to get a bit concerned for her. The last time she had heard the other magical girl so downtrodden and unsure, it had been only days before she had to face Oktavia von Seckendorff.

"Well, it's...It's a dating thing..."

That would explain it. The question now was  _who_  had her so upset. Was it Kyosuke? If so, why bother calling Homura of all people?

A few blocks away, Sayaka sighed, and wondered how she should phrase her situation. After all, how exactly did you ask someone what to do when your best friend had a crush on the person you were asking for advice, and they were in a stable relationship? Taking a few seconds to compose herself, Sayaka continued.

"Well, say there are two people, and, well, I  _guess_  you could say they're sort of dating."

Homura's brow furrowed as she went over what Sayaka was saying.  _Who in the world could she be talking about? No one in our group is dating anyone... Mami's single, Kyoko would have been screaming in joy had the two of them hooked up, and Madoka and I...Could she be talking about us?_

"But," said Sayaka. "Then this other girl arrives. Now, this other girl has a  _huge_  crush on one of the other two, but they're happy together. And I mean  _really_  happy together. They're the kind of lovey-dovey couple who do everything together, and who spend all their time thinking about the other and all that romantic stuff. But back on topic, what should this other person do?"

 _Yeah,_  thought Homura, scratching her chin in thought.  _She's definitely talking about Madoka and I. Mami doesn't spend much time with anyone outside of our little group, and no one in their right mind would describe Kyoko and Sayaka as lovey-dovey, so she must be talking about Madoka and I. But who could the third girl be? Kyoko's too focused on Sayaka to seriously consider Madoka or me, so that just leaves her and Mami._

_If it were Mami, I doubt Sayaka would be calling me for advice. That just leaves her as the third girl. But then who does she have a crush on? She's comfortable enough around Madoka that she wouldn't call me for advice if she had a crush on her, which means..._

_She wouldn't seriously call someone she has a crush on to ask for advice on how to steal them away from their crush, would she?_

_Oh God, she would._

"Hey, Akemi? You still there?"

Eyes hardening, Homura turned her attention back to the blasted device in her hand.

"Well, Sayaka Miki, it seems that the third girl has one obvious course of action ahead of her."

Sayaka leaned towards her phone, buzzing with anticipation. Soon, she would know how to help her friend!

Voice hardening, Homura went on.

"The third girl needs to give up on her feelings. Her source of affection already has someone to love, so she should simply leave them be."

Sayaka's face fell as she took in the advice given to her. Was Homura right? Should Madoka just... Give up on her crush? It was depressing, but maybe it was for the best. What really alarmed her was how hostile Homura had sounded. Was it possible that she had figured out who Sayaka was talking about? If she had, and this was her reaction to finding out Madoka had a crush on her, then the pinkette would  _definitely_  have to give up.

Meanwhile, a thought crossed Homura's mind that made her smile (but only internally, of course).

"Though if this girl is looking for someone to call her own, maybe she should keep looking. Perhaps she could find happiness with someone else, someone with-oh, I don't know, hair that is one of the primary colors?"

Sayaka froze, confused at what exactly Homura was implying. The primary colors were what, red, blue, and yellow? So was Homura saying that Madoka should start dating Mami, or even Sayaka herself? But she didn't like Madoka that way! She didn't even like girls! Right?

Homura checked to make sure no one was watching, before allowing herself a brief smile at a job well done. She had expertly planted the idea of a relationship with Kyoko in Sayaka's sexually confused brain, most likely without Sayaka even realizing it. She truly was the master of social interaction.

"Well," she said, smile disappearing. "If you have nothing more to ask me..."

"No." Said Sayaka, now confused about her sexuality as well as relationships. "Well, uh, thanks for the help, I guess. See you later.."

"And you too, Sayaka Miki."

Homura prepared to turn off her phone when she heard a murmur from the infernal device.

"Man, Madoka won't be happy about this."

She finished turning off her phone, thinking over that last statement in her head.  _It didn't mean anything particular, but it just doesn't make any sense. Why on earth would this turn of events disturb Madoka? It's probably just Sayaka being herself._

But despite her rationalizations, she couldn't shake the feeling that something was wrong with this situation...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I wrote most of this at like one in the morning, so if you spot and grammar mistakes please point them out. Otherwise, just comment, subscribe, and give all your money to a secure, offshore account that I may or may not own.


	5. Beginning of the end (of the beginning)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Mami runs into the final Magical Girl, and Kyoko and Sayaka have a chat

_What on earth is going on?_

That thought was repeating itself in Homura’s head as she strode down the street. She just couldn’t shake the thought that something was wrong. That she was missing something.

Therefore, she had decided to try and find Mami Tomoe. The older girl most likely had a clearer picture of what on earth was going on. Additionally, it was possible that the other girls had gone to her for advice, making her a valuable source of information.

Her only problem was locating the older girl. Mami’s previous phone had been destroyed by a witch a few days ago, and Homura had not yet learned her new number. Therefore, it seemed she would have to resort to more... _extreme_  measures,

She cupped her hands around her mouth, yelling as loud as possible.

“Cake is unhealthy and overrated! Tea is just bitter leaf water and is objectively inferior to coffee! Drill hair is stupid! Muskets are obsolete and look awful! Naming your attacks is a waste of time, as well as a tactically unsound decision!”

“That will be enough, Miss Akemi.”

Turning around, Homura found Mami to be right behind her, gasping for air. Despite her frazzled appearance, her voice was cold. Her eyes were narrowed and she gazed at Homura with a look of disdain and contempt.

“I thought that maybe you weren’t so bad after all, but it appears that I was incorrect. I would ask that we go to somewhere less populated for our now-inevitable confrontation, but I doubt that someone as despicable as you would care for the lives of mere civilians.”

Homura breathed a sigh of relief, flipping her hair over her shoulder.

“That won’t be necessary. I merely needed to get your attention, and I was spouting obvious falsehoods in order to attract your attention. I did not believe a word I said,” she lied. “It was all merely a ruse.”

Mami paused, aggression melting into confusion and then relief. She sighed, shoulders dropping as she walked closer to Homura.

“Well, it seemed to be quite effective. So what was it you wanted to talk to me about?” She giggled. Smiling faintly, she continued.

“Did you know that you’re actually the last Magical girl in the city to come to me for advice? First it was Sayaka, and then Kyoko only a few minutes ago.”

 _My prediction was correct,_  Homura thought.  _It seems the others did confide in her. Now to figure out what she told them. I don’t know what information she has, so I’ll have to be subtle about this._

“Mami Tomoe,” she said. “What advice did you give them?”

_Nailed it._

Mami tilted her head, eyes glazing over as she thought about the question.

“Well, they were both rather odd. Kyoko was asking for advice on what to do with the fact that someone has a crush on her girlfriend.”

_Has Kyoko hooked up with Sayaka since I last saw her? More importantly, who has a crush on Sayaka? It’s not me, and if it were Mami, Kyoko wouldn't go to her for advice. That means that... Oh no. It’s one of those loops._

Loops where Madoka had a crush on one her old friends were uncommon, though Homura had still experienced a few of them.

_Almost as terrifying is the way that Mami’s looking at me. Does... does she know I like Madoka? Is she amused by all of this? Oh, you bitch!_

Gaze hardening, Homura continued her questioning with a renewed vigor.

“And what exactly did you tell her?”

Mami shrugged, not seeming to understand the danger she was in.

“I suggested that she make it clear that the third girl was not to interfere in her relationship, and perhaps even find someone of her own.”

Homura relaxed, tension flowing out of her body.

_Oh Mami, I forgot how wise you could be. You truly are an amazing mentor ..._

Mami brought her hand to her face, cupping her chin as she adopted a predatory grin directed solely at Homura.

“But I also suggested that she could compromise. Maybe make it a threesome, if all parties were okay with that. I must say, she looked rather pleased with the idea.”

_I will kill you in your sleep. No one would mourn you. Kyoko too, the backstabbing bitch._

Yet something still felt off about the whole situation. Kyoko had shown no attraction whatsoever to the pink-haired girl, and Homura knew that Kyoko was sincere about wanting Homura and Madoka to be together. So why jump at a threesome?

Deciding to come back to this line of questioning later on, Homura moved on to the next subject.

“And was the situation similar with Sayaka Miki?”

Mami rolled her eyes, sighing at the cold attitude displayed by her fellow magical girl. Was she really so indifferent to the woes of her own girlfriend?

“If you must know, she was asking about you.”

_Ah, so Sayaka wanted advice for her crush on me, and whatever Mami said most likely led to her deciding to call me. Dammit, this doesn’t answer any of my questions!_

Homura was so deep in thought that she almost didn’t notice when Mami continued.

“She was so concerned about Madoka. It really is sweet, how much she cares for her friend.”

Homura paused, train of thought crashing to a halt. If the topic had involved Madoka, then...

“So you mean that Sayaka was requesting advice pertaining to the situation I caused in the park?”

Mami furrowed her brow, nodding.

“Yes, of course. Why else would she bring you up? Unless you caused  _more_  chaos that I haven’t learned of...”

Homura shook her head, thinking as to what this could mean.

“Oh, the poor thing was so confused,” said Mami. “You should have seen the look on her face when she learned that you were dating Kyoko.”

 

_What._

 

_WHAT?_

 

“WHAT?” Said Homura, eyes blazing in fury as her tone became ice-cold. “Why on earth would you tell her THAT? Are you insane?”

Mami recoiled, shock evident on her face.

“Did you not want it to be known? Oh heavens, I’m so sorry-"

“No! We didn’t want anything to remain secret, because we’re not dating! Why would you even think that?”

Mami gasped, shocked by the (obvious) revelation.

“But, you two live together, and do everything together, and disappear together for abnormal periods of time!”

Homura tried to keep calm, but she only succeeded in making herself more furious at the girl in front of her.

“She lives with me because I didn’t want her to sleep on the street, or in some rundown hotel! We do everything together because we are close friends who enjoy each other's company and don’t have anyone else to spend all our time with! And we disappear together because I am absolutely awful at social situations, and having someone give me advice and reassurance away from the group helps tremendously! These are all things that normal, completely platonic friends do!”

Taking a second to catch her breath, Homura couldn’t help but think of how _stupid_  the idea of her and Kyoko together was. There was absolutely no attraction between them, and they were both introspective enough to realize if they held romantic feelings for each other.

Besides, Homura was pretty sure she was physically incapable of being attracted to Kyoko, at least after what had happened  _that_ loop.

For fuck’s sake, why couldn’t her memory of that timeline just stay suppressed?

Bringing her mind back to the subject at hand, Homura realized that she could almost pity Mami.

Her juniors had come to her for advice, and she had misled them so badly that she might have ruined relationships. As of now, she seemed incredibly nervous. It was almost tragic enough for Homura to cast away her anger and embrace Mami, telling the lonely girl that she forgave her.

This feeling was unfortunately overwhelmed by her desire to see Mami Tomoe burned at the stake for her crimes.

Gaze hardening, she grabbed the taller girl by the shoulders.

“Mami Tomoe,” she said. “If you help me find the others before this situation becomes any worse, I will try to refrain from killing you. At the very least, I’ll do it in your sleep."

“Of course,” said Mami. “But, I don’t know where they are. Sayaka said that Kyoko and Madoka were going to meet at the park, but there are tons of parks. They could be anywhere!”

“You take the east side,” said Homura. “I’ll take the west. You have my number if you find them?”

“Of course,” said Mami. “Good luck.”

And like that, they were off.

 

* * *

 

Sayaka Miki sighed to herself, head in her hands as she tried to figure out just what was wrong with her.

_Do I like girls? Do I like Kyoko? What about Kyosuke? God, this is all so confusing!_

She gazed at the people who walked past her bench. There they were, just enjoying their day in the park, and she was trying to figure out who she was. What was fair about that?

“Hey Sayaka,” came a voice to her side. “Sup?”

She didn’t bother turning, already knowing who it was.  _Of all the times..._

“Hi, Kyoko.”

Sayaka sighed, wondering just what she had done to deserve such a confusing day. Had she hurt someone innocent in a past life? Had she done something wrong without realizing it?

“You look pretty down,” said Kyoko. She sat down beside the confused girl, taking out a box of pocky and offering some to her companion.

Shaking her head, Sayaka continued her introspection.

After a few minutes of silence, she finally spoke.

“Hey Kyoko,” she said. “How... how did you figure out that you liked girls?”

Kyoko stared at Sayaka, wondering what this had to do with anything.  _Unless... Is Sayaka starting to question her sexuality? Am I one step closer to hooking up with her?_

Trying to hide her excitement, Kyoko turned to her crush.

“It was pretty simple,” she said. “Well, for me at least. I just kinda looked at some girl and thought ‘dayum, she’s got great boobs. I’d tap that.’ And then I just kinda realized ‘oh hey I like girls and not guys. Guess I’m a lesbian.’ It wasn’t dramatic or anything, but that’s just how it happened.”

Sayaka tilted her head, eyebrow raised.

“Really?” she said. “Just like that? No big revelation, no ‘eureka!’ Just ‘yeah, I think I’m gay?”

“Yeah,” said Kyoko. “That’s it. So... why are you asking? You know, if it ain’t too personal.”

“No,” said Sayaka. “It’s fine. I’m just... confused. I don’t what I want, or what I should feel, or even how I  _do_  feel. I just... I need time to think. Time to sort myself out, and figure out who I am. And-uh, who I like.”

“W-well,” said Kyoko. It’s your feelings, right? So just do whatever you want. Follow your heart and all that jazz. Cause your heart is all your emotions and stuff, and your feelings are like your emotions, so just do whatever feels right. Cause whatever feels right will probably be what _is_ right.”

Sayaka smiled at Kyoko, and the redhead could have sworn that her heart started pounding even faster.

“Thank you, Kyoko,” said Sayaka. “Thanks for always helping me out, even when I was being a bitch to you. You’re the best.”

 _Oh God,_ thought Kyoko, heart racing. _This is it. She really does have a crush on me, doesn’t she. Do I go for it? She said she wants time to think, but this is about as obvious as it gets. If I don’t go for it right now, she’s going to think I don’t like her. Alright Kyoko, just stay calm. You can do this._

Heart racing, Kyoko took Sayaka’s hand in her own. Interlacing their fingers, she said;

“You do that, okay? You think it over, and figure out how you feel. And when you’re ready, and you know what you want, I’ll be waiting for you right here. I won’t be going anywhere.”

She smiled at Sayaka, a downtrodden but still optimistic smile that was only known to traumatized lesbians.

Sayaka’s cheeks heated up, flustered by the physical contact as well as what was being said. The two of them had touched before, but never anything as intimate as this.

 _Oh fuck,_  thought Sayaka.  _I have a crush on Kyoko. I have a crush on Kyoko and she’s dating Homura. But is she saying she likes me too? But she’s with Homura, and I can't ruin their relationship because of my stupid feelings. Why do all the people I like have to be with other girls?_

Sayaka stood up, face turned away from Kyoko.

“Kyoko, I-I'm sorry, I can't do this. This is wrong, and I just... I can't. Thank you, Kyoko, and goodbye.”

Turning away, she ran towards her home.

Back on the bench, Kyoko stared at Sayaka’s retreating figure.

“What... What the fuck just happened? Did she reject me? Did she reject herself for me? What the fuck?”

“Um, Kyoko?”

Slowly turning around, Kyoko found herself face to face with the one girl whose presence she had been dreading.

“I, uh, wanted to talk to you about something." Said Madoka. "It’s kind of personal, but, do you mind helping me out?”

_Oh, fuck me. Well, here goes nothing._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Alright, next chapter should be the finale. See you then!


	6. You've got it all wrong! (As do I)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Homura and Sayaka race against the clock, and the Mami arrives for the finale

Homura’s breath came in short bursts, legs pumping as she sprinted through one of Mitakihara’s many parks. Kyoko and Madoka were still nowhere to be seen, and she was running out of time.

She took a moment to catch her breath, thankful for the stamina granted to her by her status as a magical girl.

Taking out her soul gem, she pulsed to try and locate any other source of magic. Surprisingly, she found a signature.

_Another magical girl is nearby! It must be Kyoko. I just hope I’m not too late..._

Transforming her soul gem back into its ring for, she resumed sprinting with a renewed intensity.

Less than a minute later, she was right on top of the magic signature.

She ran up the last hill, looking down to see-

“Sayaka Miki. Without even doing anything, you still manage to disappoint me.”

Lying on the grass in front of her was Sayaka Miki, gaze turned towards the sky.

“Oh, hey Homura.” She said, voice subdued. “What’s got you in a rush?”

Hands on her knees, Homura looked down upon the melancholy magical girl.

“Follow me,” she said. “We need to move.”

“What’s the hurry?” Said Sayaka, moving to get up. “Did some huge witch appear?”

“No,” said Homura. “Far worse.” She started jogging, trailed by Sayaka.

“Are the other in danger?”

“Not that I know of, though knowing them they may be inclined to play in traffic.”

“Is anyone dead?”

“Not unless Mami manages to make an even bigger mess of this, no.”

“Did that Walpurgisnacht thing arrive early?”

“I almost wish it would.”

“So what is it that’s got your panties in a twist?”

Sighing, Homura began to explain.

“First off,” she said. “Everything told to you by Mami Tomoe is incorrect. Kyoko and I are in a completely platonic relationship, I have a crush on Madoka, and Kyoko has the hots for you.”

“Hold on, what?”

Sayaka skidded to a halt, face scrunched up in disbelief.

Disbelief that was quickly replaced by annoyance, as she resumed running in order to remain nearby Homura.

“Dammit Homura, when someone stops after you say something important, you stop and explain to them!”

“We have no time,” said Homura. “Mami Tomoe may have gotten some odd ideas into Kyoko’s head as well, and we need to go stop her from messing things up with Madoka.”

“Fine, fine,” said Sayaka. “So you and Kyoko are just friends then? Which means that I... Oh shit, I rejected her because of nothing! Oh, how could I fuck this up so badly?”

“I assume it comes from experience,” said Homura “And this just gives you all the more reason to find her before she digs herself into a deeper hole.”

“I know, it’s just... Fuck, I still don’t even know if I _want_ to be dating her. I _think_ I like her, but then there’s Kyosuke... How do I even know if I like her that way? How do I know I’m not just confused, and actually like her platonically?”

Homura sighed, wondering just how many times she would have to help Sayaka through this conundrum.

“Personally, I would suggest-”

“If you say the words ‘sexual fantasies,’ I’ll tell Madoka you choose your panties based on which color goes with hers.”

“How do you know that?”

“Wait,” said Sayaka. “You seriously do that? I was just making things up! Holy shit, how do you even know what she’ll be wearing?”

“This is not important,” said Homura. “You were talking about which one you like more?”

Seeing Sayaka nod, she continued.

“When you picture yourself dating Kyosuke Kamijo, what do you imagine?”

“Well,” said Sayaka. “I imagine romantic, candlelit dinners. I think of beautiful violin recitals, and grand declarations of love. It’s like a fairy tail, honestly.”

“And when you picture yourself with Kyoko?”

Sayaka frowned, putting her hand to her chin.

“Well, I guess I think of what we have now, just a lot more touchy-feely. I think of joking around as we walk through the park, and making fun of crappy movies, and just having fun together. It’s no fairy tail, but it seems nice.”

“Now can you picture yourself doing those things with Kyosuke Kamijo?”

“Well,” said Sayaka. “Not really. I mean, I can’t really imagine him stuffing himself with burgers, or making stupid jokes, or just being so... casual.”

“Then in that case, consider this last bit of advice. In my experience, relationships tend to involve more relaxing and casual conversation than they do dramatic statements of love. If you cannot imagine yourself being completely casual with Kyosuke Kamijo, then perhaps it is time for you to question whether you would truly enjoy a relationship with him.”

Sayaka considered the advice in her head, making sure not to fall too far behind Homura.

“I guess... Yeah, that does kinda make sense. But if that’s the case, do I even really like him? Why do I still feel like I love him?”

“Sayaka, liking someone does not necessarily mean having chemistry with them. It is perfectly possible for you to like Kyosuke without being very compatible with him. Feelings are quite odd, and they do not always pick based on who would be your ideal partner.”

“I mean... Yeah, that seems right. Thanks, Homura.”

“It was no problem at all. Now if you are done moping, we have a crisis to avert.”

Nodding to herself, Sayaka smiled weakly at Homura.

“Oh god,” said Sayaka. “Kyoko’s gonna think I’m so stupid!”

“I already think you’re very stupid,” said Homura. “I have said so many times, and she has almost always defended you. I doubt this incident is going to change her perception of you so greatly.”

“Oh quiet, Transfer Student. You’re not the one I have a crush on.”

“A fact that makes getting out of bed in the morning so much easier.”

Picking up the pace, Sayaka and Homura continued their efforts to find their crushes.

 

* * *

 

“So, Madoka.” Said Kyoko, nervously scratching her chin. “I know you must be feeling super weird right now. I mean, you like another girl! That must seems just a bit odd. But don’t worry your cute little butt off, cause I know exactly how you feel.”

“Umm, okay?”

Madoka tilted her head, unsure of what Kyoko was getting at.

“So I know this may sound a bit odd, but I need you to hear me out on this...”

 

* * *

 

“Are you sure this isn’t going too far?”

Sayaka stared at Homura as the the dark-haired crouched down beside the motorcycle.

“Not at all. This will dramatically increase our mobility, and is vital to finding them in time. If they are where you say they are, than we will need the speed.”

Homura pushed down on the chain cutters, trying to summon the strength to break the bike lock.

“And besides,” said Sayaka. “If we need to save time, why not just use your move-fast power thing?”

“You mean my time-stop?”

“Yeah, that!”

“Of course not,” said Homura. “Do you know how much magic that would waste? It would just be silly. Now are you just going to stand there, or are you going to help me hijack this motorcycle?”

“Coming...”

 

* * *

 

“Are you serious?” Said Madoka, blushing furiously.

“Of course,” said Kyoko. “Doesn’t it just make so much sense?”

Well,” said Madoka. “I guess when I really think about it.... But would Sayaka really do that?”

“You tell me.”

 

* * *

 

“Found them!”

Homura turned the bike in a hard left, nearly throwing Sayaka onto the ground.

“Goddammit Akemi,” said Sayaka. “Are you trying to kill me?”

“Not at this particular moment, no. Now just hold on, this is going to get bumpy!”

“Bumpy?” Said Sayaka, heart going faster than the death-trap she was riding. “What the fuck do you mean ‘going to?”

Ignoring the girl clutched to her waist, Homura just kept on accelerating.

Weaving in and out of traffic, she eventually came across a patch of green that signified the beginning of a park.

Slowing the bike just a fraction, Homura steered into the park.

“Where are they?” Homura said.

“To the right-no no no, slow turn, SLOW TURN!”

Once again ignoring the panicking magical girl, Homura took a hard right turn. This time, Sayaka actually did go flying off the bike. But luckily for the both of them, she happened to land right between the two girls they had been looking for.

“Madoka!” Homura said, as she brought the bike to a screeching halt. “This is all just a big misunderstanding!”

“Hey Homura,” said Kyoko. “Boy, do I have good news for you!”

“What?” said Homura. “Did you realize what’s going-"

“Nope,” said Kyoko. Smiling, she put her arm around Madoka’s shoulder. “Madoka and I are dating now!”

 

_No_

 

_No!_

 

“Noooooooo!” said Homura, falling to her knees. “This can’t be real. I-I failed...”

Absentmindedly, her hand went to the spot on her arm where her shield would be if she were transformed. Should she reset the timeline? On one hand, everyone was still alive. On the other hand...

“Kyoko!” cried Sayaka. “I’m so sorry! It was all a mistake, and I didn’t mean it, and I’m sorry I rejected you but please just forget that and go back to when you had a crush on me!”

The two girls collapsed in despair, tears in their eyes.

The dramatic scene was broken by the snickers coming from a certain Kyoko Sakura.

“Uhh, Kyoko?” Sayaka said. “Are... are you okay?”

The snickers evolved into giggles, which turned into chuckles, and within seconds Kyoko was rolling on the ground, laughing like a madman as she tried to point at Homura and Sayaka.

“Oh-Oh my God!” She said, in the few seconds where she was able to catch her breath. “The look of absolute fucking _horror_ on your faces! Oh, this was everything I expected it to be and more!”

Homura stared at the maniacal girl, slowly rising to her feet.

“Oh, Madoka!” Said Kyoko. “Don’t you feel amazing? I mean just look at them!” She pointed to the two girl, once again bursting into laughter.

“No,” said Madoka. “I feel bad, like I did something awful. That was really mean, Kyoko!”

“Oh, come on,” said Kyoko. “Look at them! They just look so...” She collapsed into laughter, unable to finish her sentence.

Mami ran into view, frantic.

“Is everything alright?” She said, not even bothering to keep the panic out of her voice. “I heard yelling.”

“It’s fine,” said Madoka. “Kyoko just decided to play a mean prank on Homura and Sayaka. She pretended that we had started dating.”

“Oh my,” said Mami. “I am so incredibly sorry. This entire thing was my fault. If I hadn’t misinformed Sayaka...”

“Oh please,” said Sayaka. “We still would have found a way to mess it all up.”

“This was a group effort,” said Kyoko. “You alone couldn’t possibly have screwed it up for all of us.”

“While I must disagree with the idea that one person cannot mess up the lives of an entire group,” said Homura, pointedly not looking at Sayaka. “I must agree that while you might have made things worse, the events as they happened rest on all of us. Well, except Madoka. She was, and always has been, perfect.”

“This sure wasn’t your fault,” said Madoka. “You were the one who fixed everything! You guys agree with me, right? Homura did nothing wrong!”

“For one,” said Homura. “I could have been more direct in informing you of my feelings. That rests solely on me."

“Nah,” said Kyoko. “I helped out on that one.”

“So, Homura.” said Sayaka. “Does that mean you’re going to clearly explain yourself from now on?”

“Not a chance,” said Homura. “I acknowledged that my lack of clarity caused a problem this one instance. I never said that I would fix it.”

Shaking her head, Sayaka turned to Madoka.

“Sooo, Madoka,” she said. “You and Kyoko... aren’t dating?”

“Nope,” said Madoka. “She was just being mean.”

Sighing, Sayaka walked over to the laughing girl.

Crouching down, she grabbed Kyoko by the shoulders and stared into her eyes.

Still giggling, Kyoko looked up at her.

“S-Sayaka? You’re kinda close..”

“Kyoko,” she said. “You are the absolute worst. I hate you, and I never want to see you again. But I will be seeing you again. At 6:30. The Italian place near my apartment. Tomorrow. See you then.”

“O-Okay.”

Taking a moment to ponder, Sayaka shook her head and pressed her lips to Kyoko’s cheek. She turned and walked away, doing her best to conceal her blush.

Lightly pressing a hand to her cheek, Kyoko silently stared at Sayaka as the blue-haired girl left the park.

Once her crush (or was it girlfriend now?) was out of sight, she got to her feet and walked over to Homura.

“Well Homura,” she said, still smiling like an idiot. “I guess I gotta hand it to you. Looks like your plan worked.”

“Plan?” Madoka said. “What plan?”

“Homura,” said Kyoko, grin morphing into a smirk. “Had a big plan for how she and I could hook up with you and Sayaka. The thing was huge! Though, It looks like we only got to use the first part. You know, I’ve actually got my copy of it right here.”

She stuck her hands into her pockets, rustling around for a few seconds before pulling out a sheet of paper.

Looking at it, Madoka could see that it said;

 

Step 1: Help Homura hook up with Madoka/record her embarrassing herself.

Step 2: Sit back and let Madoka handle all the planning and social interaction, flirt with Sayaka.

Step 3: ???

Sep 4: Profit.

 

Kyoko chuckled, putting the paper back in her pocket.

Waving goodbye, she turned away and started walking back to Homura’s apartment.

“I’ll leave you lot to do your thing. Catch ya later!”

Mami, giggled, gazing fondly at Homura and Madoka.

“Maybe I should follow her example. You two have fun!”

She turned away and started walking back to her place, mind wandering to the subject of what to prepare for supper.

“Soo,” said Madoka, nervously wringing her hands. “When we were in the park earlier, you were-”

“Completely serious.” Homura said. “Though in retrospect, perhaps pick up lines were not the best method of showing my interest in you.”

“Yeah,” said Madoka, a small smile on her face. “I kind of thought so. About you being serious, not the pick-up lines. Though, I guess them too.”

Gazing at the sky, she sighed in relief.

“You know, today was a pretty stressful day. Do you want to come back to my place and relax? I’ll ask my parents if you can stay for dinner, if that’s alright with you.”

“Of course,” said Homura. “I would love to.”

_“You humans make absolutely no sense."_

Eyes narrowing, Homura looked down.

“Hello, Kyubey.” She said, making a conscious effort to keep from killing it here and now. “What brings you here?”

 _“I was merely observing your interactions,”_   it said. _“I must say, it was fascinating how illogical you become when dealing with intense emotions. For example, why did you not attempt to contact each other via telepathy?”_

“What?” said Madoka. “I thought it was just short-distance?”

_“I have given no indication that that is the case. And even then, why not simply ask me if it was possible?”_

“That does make an odd sort of sense,” said Homura. “I guess it simply slipped my mind. After all, I was concentrated on more important things.”

 _“You humans make no sense whatsoever.”_ It shook its head, before trotting off to places unknown. _“In that case, I do hope to see you again soon. You especially, Miss Kaname. If you ever feel like making a contract...”_

“Sorry Kyubey,” said Madoka. “But I don’t really think I trust you. Goodbye.”

Relaxing as soon as  it left, Madoka turned back to Homura.

“So, Homura.” Madoka said, looking apprehensively at the other girl. “Are we... are we dating now? Because you said you were serious about liking me, and I really like you, so does that make me your g-girlfriend?”

“Well,” said Homura, trying to hide her blush. “Generally, people are dating when both parties agree that they want to be together. So if it’s okay with you, then I would be happy to be your girlfriend.”

“In that case,” said Madoka. “Do you want to meet up for lunch tomorrow?”

“Sure,” said Homura “Does 12 work?”

Making idle chit-chat, they continued on to Madoka’s house.

 

* * *

 

 

A few hours later, Madoka was waving goodbye as Homura exited the house.

All of a sudden she froze, purple eyes wide.

“Madoka,” she said. “On Kyoko’s paper, did it say “record Homura embarrassing herself?”

Madoka put a hand to her chin, deep in thought.

“I think it did,” she said. “Wait, does this mean she has records of you saying all those embarrassing things?”

“She does,” said Homura. “She’ll use it, too. It would be wise for me to be kind to Kyoko from now on.”

Finishing her goodbyes, she started on the path to her apartment.

 _Somehow,_ she thought. _I get the feeling that I’m in serious danger...._

 

* * *

 

A few days later, the four magical girls of Mitakihara managed to defeat Walpurgisnacht without any casualties.

Homura wasn’t sure if this was good or bad.

On one hand, she had finally saved Madoka. Everyone was happy, together with the person they loved.

On the other hand, she had to live the rest of her life in a world where Kyoko had video evidence of her accusing Madoka of being a sexual communist.

She was pretty sure they evened out.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well, this is it for It Should Be So Simple. I really had a blast writing this, so I'll definitely write some more PMMM stuff. Make sure to check it out, if you're into that.  
> You can also check out my Incorrect PMMM Quotes at https://incorrect-pmmm-quotes.tumblr.com/


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